By Chaz Kyser
Once upon a time (okay, 12 years ago to be exact), in a land far away (Manhattan), I was given the opportunity to work for a company I just knew would be the perfect stepping stone to achieving my goals. I mean, I prayed for this job. I had dreams of handing out business cards with the company’s name on it. I considered fasting as a way to show the universe I really, really wanted it.
Now, some of my friends were confused about exactly why I wanted this job. I had just moved back to New York from Oklahoma without a job, so they understood why I was job searching. However, as they pointed out, it was an awkward fit given my background. I had just spent six years teaching journalism on the collegiate level, authored a book, and was a bona fide editor and writer. So why was I watching the phone to be called about a job that paid $15,000 less than my old one and was basically an assistant position? I hadn’t held anything near an entry-level position since I was 18.
“You just don’t get it,” I told the friendly snobs. “Sometimes you have to take one step backward to move forward.” Yes, I actually repeated this silly cliché.
I got the job. And I was exceedingly thankful. And I was abundantly grateful, which is more than just being thankful. And I was super duper happy. For about two weeks. I soon found that I had taken not one, but dozens of steps backward that led into a small ditch that led into another small ditch. I discovered that my perfect company home was far from perfect. Of course, this is something I knew to expect from previous positions and was totally prepared for, but gee whiz. I encountered many big cobwebs in this company home, and unfinished rooms, and minor holes in the wall. Did I say minor? I mean big enough to fit your body through.
It was clear that I had made a mistake and should leave immediately like everyone else had, which is why the position was open. But I didn’t. Because while I was not happy, I was still very, very thankful. More important, while I knew intuitively that the position was below the level I was now at, I couldn’t admit this out loud. As a Sagittarius, I am not exactly known for being the humblest person. I didn’t want to now turn my nose up at the job I had asked the universe for. I felt like that could be asking for my next desire to be ignored.
So I stayed. I must report that while I didn’t learn all that I had hoped to, I still learned a lot. Here is a short list:
- It’s no fun working with co-workers who dislike the company way more than you do, and talk about how they hate it all day.
- There is never a good reason why you should repeatedly have to work overnight when your hours are 9 to 5.
- Being forced to work harder because someone else doesn’t know how to work smarter is not cool.
- I hate to admit I agreed to this, but sending your boss an email at the end of the day telling her everything you did is totally humiliating. Even for an intern. And although I felt like one, I was not an intern.
For nearly a year, I tried to convince myself that I really was there for a reason. I coached myself when I woke up in the morning, as I was in the shower, as I rode the subway to work, and all throughout the day. When I got home, I said to myself, “There is a reason why you are there, and you will find out soon.”
Well, I have long since left the position, but now I do know the reason. It was so I could write this article (the universe works in weird ways), and in the process, help you or perhaps the 10 friends you forward this to.
I have met many people who, like me, languished in jobs they loathed and, to be quite frank, were too good for. Especially women. Unlike men, we seem to have been taught not to toot our own horn, even when we are the only person who can hear it. So, although women may say in their heads that they didn’t go to such-and-such school to work in this hellhole . . . or that they have way too much experience to take a job that only uses 10% of it . . . or that they are smarter than everyone they work with, including the CEO . . . many would never say these things out loud and acknowledge that their feelings just reflect the truth. They won’t do so under the guise of “being humble.”
A conversation with a close female friend helped put my need to stay humble in check. After complaining that my boss had instituted a new rule that we had to stay 30 minutes later if we now took our formerly free 30-minute break, I finished my sentence with: “I’m still lucky to have the job. I really just feel like it’s my ego that’s the problem. Plus, sometimes you have to take a few steps backward to move forward.” She, being humble but not a fool, said: “I don’t think that is true in your case. Having an ego can be good. Right now, your ego is letting you know that you are playing yourself way too small and it’s not happy.”
She was right, of course. I finally got the guts to resign not long after that great sister-talk and I have never regretted the decision. For those of you who have been staying in a dead-end job (or are about to take one) under the guise of being “humble,” I caution you to rethink your reasoning. Being humble, as defined by Dictionary.com, is “not proud or arrogant; modest.” However, right below that is “having a feeling of insignificance, inferiority, subservience.” That feels plain terrible. You don’t deserve to feel that way. If anything, you should feel humbled by how awesome it is that you are able to really enjoy and grow from the position you are in. You should not be humbled by your work.
Chaz Kyser is a speaker, author, and workshop facilitator focusing in the areas of women’s empowerment, career development, and business communication. Visit her website at chazkyser.com.